Monday, December 6, 2010

Much Ado About...

... not nothing. This is not nothing. Trust me. This is a crapton of something.

Hello dear readers of my blog! It's been a while, has it not? I has, it has. But do not fret! I am back, and I have a story for you!

Just yesterday I went rollerskating. My friend (who I met at piano camp) invited The Wordsmith* and I to "Homeschoolers Night" at a skate park. Almost as soon as we got there, they called for song requests over the speakers.

Eagerly, I skate/stumbled** to the clipboard where requests were written. Very lovingly and carefully I wrote Queen under "artist" and Bohemian Rhapsody under "song." I gleefully noted that Uprising by Muse had been written just before. With much joy I skated off and jammed to Human by the Killers. (Homeschoolers clearly have good taste in music).

Every moment brought me closer to my favorite song. Every closing note I expected to hear Uprising, which would be followed by Queen's most perfect melody.

But it never came. Muse was blasted and I appreciatively sang along, but no Bohemian Rhapsody followed it. I was confused, I was hurt. Mostly I was confused.

After a while I became numb to the music and just enjoyed the company of my sister, my friend, and all her homeschooled minions. I laughed when someone fell, though my smirk was always wiped away when I lost my balance.***

All of a sudden my attention was caught by familiar lyrics.

Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?

My heart did not skip for joy, however. Because it was THIS "Bohemian Rhapsody" (listen at your own peril).

First I was confused. Then I wanted to cry. This wasn't the song I asked for, this wasn't Queen. Who in their right mind would try to cover Bohemian Rhapsody in the first place??

My shoulders and neck started twitching; the song was a bug in my ear that I could not get out. It was raping my ears, and there was nothing I could do to block it or make it stop. This necessarily turned me from near-tears to a would-be-murderer. Someone had to pay for this grievous mistake, this irreconcilable error.

The song ended not nearly soon enough. There was blissful quiet afterward that immediately begun to improve my mood, and I skated for joy that the horrendous song was over.

Then... another announcement. "Ladies and gentlemen, let's line up for LIMBO!" No... Oh god, please no...
Every limbo boy and girl!
All around the limbo world!
Gonna do the limbo rock!
All around the limbo clock!

With much ear rape,

*Speaking of The Wordsmith, my baby sister just finished NaNo! I am so ridiculously proud of her.

**I was a cheapskate (see what I did there??) last night and didn't pay the extra monies for rollerblades. Therefore I had to learn how to use regular skates.

***To my credit, I did not fall once that night.  


  1. 'Scuse my French, but what the hell was THAT? Who is honestly egotistical enough to think that they can cover "Bohemian Rhapsody" without it being a horrendous joke? I can't imagine being forced to listen to that with no way out.

    Also, I envy your ability to skate. I have a *thing* with not having my feet on something flat that renders me completely uncapable of holding myself up on skates of any kind.

  2. My homeschool group did skate nights once a month. I remember them fondly, though I think if I were to go back today I would run far, far away. We were only allowed to request Christian music, except for the Cha Cha Slide and the Hokey Pokey.

    Yeah. IDK. Glad you had fun for the most part thoguh. :D